21 December 2009

Round Two - Treatment One

My friend Beth, who is my former roommate and dearest friend from my BYU days has been in town assisting in the wedding preparations for the wedding and just all around helping me. She an Doug took me to my treatment today. Doug left when the treatment part began. Beth and I were there for 7 hours. 7 VERY LONG hours. My chemo-treatment lasted for over 4 hours, the rest of the time was spent having lab work down, and seeing the doctor (actually the P.A.) and WAITING around to have the lab work, and see the the P.A. There was so much more waiting than usual. The treatment room was filled and they were short staffed.

Because this was a new drug for me, they gave me extra doses of steroids and anti-allergens to handle the potency of this Taxol. I slept almost the whole time. Oh, except, after all waiting for lab work and doctor visits I became terribly hungry....and a bit grouchy. Doug went to the very near Harris Teeter and got me the most awesome sub-sandwich. It was delicious. The pre-meds took effect and I was sound asleep for most of the time. That was really nice. Given the ridiculous pace I had been keeping in the weeks before, I deserved drug induced sleep.

Now I am groggy and read to go to bed. I hope I can sleep tonight.

Oh, and here are sneak peak at some wedding photos. Just click on the link for my Picasa album called The Wedding of Michael and Kristin Plautz. Enjoy!!!

Merry Christmas my dear friends. I had a mini breakdown tonight, because although I had convinced myself during the previous months that I would be happy enough to have the energy to enjoy Michael's wedding and that Christmas would take care of itself some how or another, I realized that I was quite sad to forgo the decades of family traditions established by the Douglas and Sally Plautz Family. It was too late to afford to purchase the 7 racks of baby back ribs to have for our traditional Christmas Day dinner. This is a task I spend the 2 1/2 months before Christmas stocking up on as they go on half price or other extraordinary specials that make it possible for me to buy enough for my ever growing family.

Also, I make homemade candy each year. I have done this for 30 year, never missing, sometimes late, but never missing. I usually make homemade vanilla caramels, a special family recipe, buckeye candies (peanut butter balls dipped in chocolate in the shape of the Ohio Buckeye nut), Almond Rocca, an almond toffee square completely dipped in milk chocolate lightly dusted in almond dust. Then, I end it with caramel/chocolate turtles. When I am feeling really ambitious, I made my own recipe of a "York Style" Peppermint Patty. It is my personal favorite.

Catherine has stepped up to make buckeyes, but I am pretty sure that is where it is ending.

It's more about completing family traditions than it is about the tradition itself.

I am trying to let go, knowing that one year missed will not be a tragedy. And, that while my kids may remember the year we ate something "less special" for dinner and we had candy from a bag. They will also remember why and I hope, like I do, remember that this time of my life and the healing and the surviving is far more important. I know that my children love me, and their love will help heal my heart for my saddness with my inability to make everything perfect this year.

And let's not forget, there WILL be other years to celebrate life. I will celebrate MY life in conjunction with our Saviour's life. And while I do not mean to add disrespect to the grand plan that includes the birth of Jesus Christ, as it pertains to all mankind, I also cannot minimize the value of my life as in pertains to my own personal posterity. One must taste the bitter in order to prize the sweet. No one really talks about how you can actually realize those two opposites all in the same event. Everyday I taste both. I turn from the one and draw towards and embrace the sweet. You are all part of that sweet. I need you so much.

Time to face the bitter, the trying to fall asleep, but I know sometime in the night, the bitter will surrender and the sweet will envelope me with love and the rest of the Lord.


Lisa said...

I appreciate your insight. Have a merry Christmas!

Brenda said...

Hugs and Merry Christmas to you. It seems you have not forgotten the greatest tradition of all. LOVE. Love for your family, love for the Savior.

melissa said...

The wedding couple are adorable, you're lovely, and the cake is gorgeous! I'm sure this will be a Christmas your family remembers well, even without all of the traditions. Merry Christmas!

Ramona said...

Soooo glad that you made it through and now get that rest, drug induced or not, it's all good.

Pics are great.....I seem to remember making those draped fondant pieces a few years ago :)

Lots of love to you Sweetie!

Anonymous said...

I am glad that you are home from the hospital and that you didn't have heart problems.

Happy New Year. Once you are over all this, I hope you will be doing just great in the future.

love, Lynne Barton

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