I am doing significantly better since that last post. I have felt the love of my Heavenly Father for me through you, my friends.
I will be back very soon with a more complete update.
26 January 2010
Thank you so much for your words of comfort and encouragement and love. It has meant so much to me. I have had an outpouring of love extended me through your comments, your phone calls, emails and your visits to me.
13 January 2010
I knew that eventually this day would come. A day when all I could say is: "This is so hard, I am struggling and tired of all this." I have hit that point. In my first post, I said that I would just write whatever I was feeling that day.
I started writing a post yesterday, trying to be strong and positive about the last week and a half since my last treatment. I wrote a few sentences and just couldn't go on.
The fact is I am losing it a bit. The intense pain has truly affected my ability to be rational and positive. The pain is so intense in my bones and my muscles sometimes all I can do is cry. I can't sleep so the nights are long and lonely. The narcotics barely take the edge off. I am so weak, I can hardly walk, my hip joints are so wobbly. I have come to the point where I see how much more there is that I will have to go through and, I am scared.
And because I am in a chemically induced menopause, in a very condensed time, I am dealing with all the issues and symptoms, including mood swings, that go with that.
I am tired of being able to do nothing, go no where and being alone. The days are so long.
I am experienced enough with life to know that these feelings won't last. But, this is what I am facing and feeling today.
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